Am I A Bad Mom?
Image courtesy of Pixabay
Today I had an interesting realization. I struggled to understand why I am avoiding my children. I want to say: “No, you shouldn’t need me. Do your own thing.”
This baffled me.
How can I push my kids away or sometimes even feel like I want to hide from them? Was I being selfish? Am I feeling overwhelmed with the many things I juggle as a mom and full-time psychotherapist here in Ontario? Is this a sign of the dreaded COVID or ZOOM fatigue? Or maybe I am just a bad mom?
I didn't know until I spent time thinking about my own childhood and allowed myself to connect the dots . . .
When I was a child, people I loved, left me; or I left them, as we moved often when I was young. I thus had to learn to rely on myself, to do my own thing and to be independent. This sounded very much like the “lessons” I unintentionally want to teach my children. What a remarkable realization! This allowed me to stop feeling guilty but rather permit myself to acknowledge that my intentions are pure and my love for my kids is unconditional (well, mostly anyway).
So, what does this have to do with you? We all learn certain lessons as children or through traumatic experiences, which we carry with us into our relationships with our partner, parents, friends, and yes, our children. When we are unaware of these beliefs and rules for our lives (like, “People will leave me” or “I am not good enough” or “Moms should be like Superwoman”) we misunderstand our behaviours, thoughts, and emotions. We judge ourselves and feel guilty for behaving “inappropriately” or in strange ways. What would happen if we could dig a little deeper and explore ourselves to discover and understand the driving force behind our behaviours and thoughts? We could allow ourselves to have more empathy and self-compassion, and treat ourselves with kindness as we work to integrate new teachings into our lives and balance out unwanted beliefs.
Do you also sometimes catch yourself behaving in rather strange or unexpected ways? Do you sometimes wonder why you overreact to seemingly trivial matters? Maybe you are feeling stuck and struggle to see how to move forward, behave differently, or just feel like a better parent, partner or friend?
If so, contact our office at (613) 877-4148 or firstname.lastname@example.org to set up a free 15-minute consultation to help you get started. Don’t worry, it’s virtual!
We’d be happy to hear about what is going on in your head and help direct you to the right person to get you feeling more like the parent you wish to be.